2029 Headlines (thanks Don)

                                                  HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029

Ozone  created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest  country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known  as California.

White  minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's  third language.

Spotted  Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and  livestock.

Baby  conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple  petitions court to reinstate heterosexual  marriage.

Iran still  closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years  before radioactivity decreases to safe  levels.

France   pleads for global help after being taken over by   Jamaica .. no other country comes forward to help the  beleaguered nation!

Castro  finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,  but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all  smoking.
 
George  Z. Bush says he will run for President in  2036.

Postal  Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail  delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year  $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight  loss.

Average  weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global  cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in  Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese  scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they  now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
 
Abortion  clinics now available in every

High  School in   United States .
 
  Senate  still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532  Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and  Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme  Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil  rights.

Average  height of NBA players is now nine feet seven  inches .

New  federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly  swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January  2030.

IRS  sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent..

Floruba  voters still having trouble with voting  machines.

I  Love This Country!

It's  The Government That Scares The Crap Out Of  Me!